We’re being reflective today; I decided to break the rules and write to you because there have been so many times when I’ve come to realize how easy you made it for me to want to come out of my shell of denial and apathy.
Don’t get me wrong; I still struggle, and I will for some time to come; but I always want to hold back every time I’m around someone. I’m afraid of being too loud, too jumpy, too talkative, too emotional… or too unemotional. But you’ve made me feel safe being me no matter what, and I know I can always come back to you.
I don’t know what to expect from the next… amount of time and I know you don’t either, and I think that’s okay because I like surprise twists. I still can’t get over the feeling that I should have done or should be doing more for you. Maybe it’s because I feel like you’ve given me a lot in so many invisible ways, or maybe it’s because I’m just desperate to know that things will be alright.
In either case, my goal for the next… time… is to make all my 11:11 wishes focused on the present moment. I can’t wish for an easy ending of any sort, but I can wish for you to be happy wherever you are.